Now I'm stuck out here and the world forgot :'(

Can anybody hear me?
Am I talking to myself?
My mind is running empty
In this search for someone else
Who doesn't look right through me.
It's all just static in my head
Can anybody tell me why I'm lonely like a satellite?

'Cause tonight I'm feeling like an astronaut
Sending SOS from this tiny box
And I lost all signal when I lifted off
Now I'm stuck out here and the world forgot
Can I please come down, cause I'm tired of drifting round and round
Can I please come down?

I'm deafened by the silence
Is it something that I've done?
I know that there are millions
I can't be the only one who's so disconnected
It's so different in my head.
Can anybody tell me why I'm lonely like a satellite?

'Cause tonight I'm feeling like an astronaut
Sending SOS from this tiny box
And I lost all signal when I lifted off
Now I'm stuck out here and the world forgot
Can I please come down, cause I'm tired of drifting round and round

Can I please come down?

Now I lie awake and scream in the zero gravity
And it's starting to weigh down on me.
Let's abort this mission now
Can I please come down?

So tonight I'm calling all astronauts
all the lonely people that the world forgot
If you hear my voice come pick me up
Are you out there?
'Cause you're all I've got!

And tonight I'm feeling like an astronaut
Sending SOS from this tiny box
And I lost all signal when I lifted off
Now I'm stuck out here and the world forgot

'Cause tonight I'm feeling like an astronaut
Sending SOS from this tiny box
To the lonely people that the world forgot
Are you out there?
'Cause you're all I've got!

Can I please come down?
'Cause I'm tired of drifting round and round.
Can I please come down?

Study Week

assalamualaikum sweeties!

dah lamaaa sangat tak update blog. so here i am. so much stories to be told. so much tears to be shed. so much voice to be heard. insyaallah, will spend alot of time in front of this laptop since tengah cuti sem. yipeee! survived all 8 papers for final exam. alhamdulillah.

anyway, ape kena mengena STUDY WEEK as the title for this entry? orang lain tengah holiday aku sibuk pasal study week. well, actually, nak sangat share dengan korang semua abt this incident which happened to me on study week. care to read if u want to find out more.

kejadian tu berlaku on last day of lecture if im not mistaken. or the day after that. it was the same usual night. the next day tu ada event which my dear friend diana ajak pergi one day kursus motivasi starting from 8 am to 5 pm. so malam tu i decided to do nothing. malas la nak start study. so i spend the night *just like any other night* on the internet lah kan. until midnight. feel a lil bit sleepy so i headed to the toilet berus gigi cuci muka semua.

duduk bilik sorang. lagi selesa duduk bilik sorang takde roomate. im a person who study alone. unless lah kalau ada group discussion baru boleh join. i prefer silent. its my source of peace. so after one sem. alhamdulillah. best oh duduk sorang2, takde sape kacau, you are free to do what u want without no one disturbing your privacy. nak buat bising ke. nak bukak lampu sampai pukul bape pagi pun. nak besepah kan bilik ke. up to you. peace!

so time study week ni, last day of lecture, aras aku tu almost semua bilik gelap je, semua balik rumah. tinggal 3 bilik je yang berlampu including mine. bilik aku paling hujung. and another two rooms tu paling hujung belah ke toilet. okay super sunyi.

and after that. i had a trouble sleeping.

susah betul nak lelap. eventho penat. ayooo. pusing kiri pusing kanan. counting sheeps. not working. main fruit ninja kat phone. still tak boleh tidur. so finally cuba lagi untuk tidur. pejam mata. and dalam pukul 1 lebih macam tu. i heard that creepy sounds. ada 'benda' mengilai.

suara tu betul2 kat luar tingkap aku, panjang and kuat. this was my first time facing this kind of incident. lepas dah slow then kuat balik. ya Allah perasaan masa tu hanya Allah je tahu. i cant move. im too afraid to move actually. peluh membasahi dahi. segala ayat n surah yang mampu aku baca aku baca berulang-ulang dalam hati. memang aku akui aku ni lemah semangat sangat. and im so paranoid. memang segala benda buruk la aku fikir akan berlaku. benda tu kat belakang aku la. benda tu akan tu lah ini lah, you know.

sampai subuh memang tak tidur. and the next day tu. otak memang tak betul. gagahkan diri jugak untuk pergi kursus motivasi. diana pun ada cerita yang dia dengar. tapi apa yang dia cerita tu tak sama dengan apa yang aku dengar. so aku diamkan je. lagi aku fikir lagi aku tak tenang. terima kasih, motivasi tu sgt membantu aku. betulkan apa tujuan aku datang UKM ni.

petang tu masa balik bilik. aku jadi tak keruan. kesunyian kat aras aku membuatkan aku jadi sangat lemah. cepat-cepat call mommy menangis-nangis. mak risau sangat. terus call abang suruh amik aku malam tu jugak. takut jadi apa-apa kat aku kang lagi susah.

mandi. sembahyang maghrib. packing. isyak. semakin malam semakin takut. teruk gila rasa. ya Allah. Kau berikanlah kekuatan. Kau lindungilah aku. luckily abang datang cepat. malam tu Chritmas eve. kak ateh n kak ila pun ada. jemput aku kat bilik. thank you korang.

ayah azan kat telinga aku. usap2 kepala. alhamdulillah. maybe sebab stress sangat kot aku jadi tak betul. selalunya kalau hal-hal macam ni aku tak amik kisah sangat. mainan perasaan je. tension macam2 kerja yang perlu aku settlekan plus study week plus banyak lagi perlu aku study n cover plus PMS membuatkan hormone aku tak stabil. LOL.

study week. first time berstudy week kat rumah. 5 hari. hari jumaat baru balik ukm balik. hari selasa first paper. sabtu tu. orang lain tengah meroyan study aku meroyan home sick nak balik rumah jumpa mak. HAHAHAA. bengong gila kau anisah. tah apa la nak jadi dengan result sem ni. pasrah jela. i had try my best.

apa apa pun. alhamdulillah. a good experience. at least i learn something. <3

forever alone

dear R,

hi! hows life? i miss u. really. been crying alot because i miss u so bad. sy tahu sy bukan sapa2 dah dalam hidup awak. and part of me, actually, the whole me inside out believe that u are passed forgetting me and successfully deleting every tiny bits of me from your life. i must congrats u on that..

u wont reply my msg, u wont bother saying hai or even find out how i been doing all this while. u dont even care. macam sy ni dah tak wujud dah dlm hidup awak. takpe, i deserve this after everything yg dah jadi antara kita dua. just that u once said to me yg the reason u do this is because u care.

entah la. hmm. i see u dah berubah. alot. truth is i dont like the new you. i like the old you better. i donno. never had a chance to ask u. and u wont let me pun.

do u still care? did i ever cross ur mind? have u stalk me? are u one of the silent reader to my blog?

what took me so long writing this to you. entah la. maybe im scared of me. scared abt what would you thinking if u read this and take it as something else. takut awk salah faham pulak. it wont change anything pun. sy tahu kalau sy nangis air mata darah sekali pun awk takkan jadi kawan sy mcm dulu lagi. even after saya dah merayu nangis2 mintak maaf beribu-ribu kali pun awak tetap taknak jugak.

awak ego. ego awak sangat besar. betul lah org kata, lagi kita syg kat org tu. lagi tinggi ego kita. hmm. dah terlambat mungkin kalau nak ubah balik. awk syg sy lagi ke? haha. tak perlu jwb la. sy tahu jawapannya TAK.

tell me how u moved on and forget me. tell me what do u feel. setiap kali kita ter-jumpa, is it killing you like its killing me? atau sy sorang je rasa mcm tu? awk nampak cool je. how u act like u dont care. like nothing had ever happen between us. kalau lah awak tahu how it crushing me inside. hmmm.

how i wish u know how it hurts.

how i wish i could turn back time.

how i wish u would still be there for me.

7 years had passed since i first know u. and three years back then, you are still proud of calling me as your besfriend. how i wish that time never flies so fast. i miss the smile on your face. i miss everything about you. i miss all our hours of conversation on phone sampai late of midnight talking abt everything.
i know u wont be reading this. and u wont even care to read.

kalau lah awk baca, i just want you to know that








































YOU ARE IRREPLACEABLE.

sy mintak maaf atas apa yg dah jadi sebelum ni. eventho we r not contacting anymore, sy doakan awk berjaya. bagus la dah sambung study. mmg tu yg sy suruh awk buat dari dulu lg. moga berjaya. kalau Allah izinkan, awk tetap akan jadi kwn sy balik. sy tunggu saat tu. sy doa Allah buka kan hati awk utk terima sy balik.  :'(

we are so near yet so far :'(

blurry vision,
hopeless and pity me.